Friends - Part 3

Hebrews 10:25 “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Continuing Pastor Obie’s message on “godly friendships”, he presented four “relational nutrients” we all need to have healthy relationships in life. (1) Be present. We need to meet face-to-face frequently; not Facebook-to-Facebook. Social media doesn’t count in relationships. Physical time together builds trust. Only two close friends is the average today verses six close friends 50 years ago. One in four people statistically have only one close friend. Studies show that suicide and depression have a direct correlation with excessive Social Media exposure and interaction. We need acceptance, empathy, validation from friends and a safe place to vent our frustrations with someone who can keep a secret; not gossip. The face-to-face times happen best at (a) the table, where you share a meal together, (b) on a ride-along drive, (c) while doing tasks together, or (d) during recreation time, playing or being spectators.

Romans 1:12 “When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours.”

The second “relational nutrients” we all need to have healthy relationships in life is (2) convey the good. Be positive, comforting and encouraging; not negative. Be an uplifting breath of fresh air to your friends. People need affirmation, encouragement, respect, hope, and forgiveness. Forgiveness and healing are different, but tied together. Forgiveness is a choice that opens the door to God’s mercy and provides the path to healing. Romans 15:2 “We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord.” Friends need to be celebrated for their wins and victories. Celebrating brings people together and makes them want to repeat the wins. Being present and conveying the good produces trust that must be established before the third nutrients can be accepted.

Proverbs 27:5-6 “Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”

The third “relational nutrients” we all need to have healthy relationships in life is (3) provide reality. Truth must be communicated at the right time and in the right way. Men are fixers and woman are feelers. Validate how others feel because they don’t care what you know until they know that you care. It doesn’t matter if you are right, if you do not communicate rightly. When delivered rightly, Proverbs 24:26 says, “An honest answer is like a kiss of friendship.” Sometimes, just listening and validating the other’s feelings are all that needs to happen. Let them know that what they are feeling is important, knowing that the truth can be hard to hear but necessary for their future from a person that you give permission to speak that loving truth in your life. Do you have someone you love and care about enough to tell them the harsh realities that needs to be said.   

Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”

The fourth “relational nutrients” we all need to have healthy relationships in life is (4) a call to action. Your best friends should bring out the best in you. Identify and set “stretch goals” that build faith, leadership and character met with deadlines and accountability. What areas of your life do you need stretching in?  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 tells us, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But, woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Surround yourself with people who call you to action, challenge you and help make you more Christ-like and be more fruitful for the kingdom of Heaven. Be vessels of God’s love to others. Grow and mature to be all that God calls you to be. Once you needed a friend. Today, there is a friend that needs you.

In Christ, Brian