Flipped

2 Corinthians 5:8 “To be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.”

December 14^th, marks the date of my cousin Laura Walsh Plunkett’s passing. Growing up 2000 miles apart and sixteen years difference in age meant nothing when we met for a family reunion in August of 2007 and connected via e-mail a month later, as we quickly discovered that we were not just biological cousins, but brother and sister in Christ also. Laura wrote on September 21: “You are a very loving soul and I can totally see that. We are both Christians and it is so interesting to me that we both take it so seriously...yet another similarity between us. I do a lot with my church and have found that my faith really kept me grounded when I was diagnosed with cancer.”

When Laura was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 32, she began a quest to write a book with her mother and daughter to help other women. Laura went to be with the Lord, her Maker, in 2008, but this year her book titled “Flipped” was published for readers. She started a Breast Cancer awareness foundation named “Pass It On”, spoke publically on the subject and keeping a positive attitude (which is where the term “Flipped” originated – flipping your attitude), and Blogging @ http://loloplunkett.blogspot.com. Yes, she is the reason that I started Blogging myself. I picked up some copies of her ten chapter book on Amazon.com for family and friends, and finishing thought that from the e-mails Laura wrote to me, there was an eleventh chapter that the world should hear and be blessed by from this dear Christian woman that “flipped” my life forever.

Chapter Eleven – Laura’s Faith

I have ALWAYS believed this experience is about God healing me, not me dying. It gets hard at times because even among other Christians, I have found that everyone’s faith is different. Faith is a spiritual gift, of which there are many. Each of us have our own strengths and weakness when it comes to the gifts....by faith is one that has always come easy to me. I try not to take for granted and always want to help others understand that I continue to feel protected and buffered by God. I continue to feel that He is protecting me.

It is so interesting because this whole experience has been surreal for me...in some respects. What I mean is, I continue to feel privileged by my cancer at times. That may sound wacky so I will explain. We have had so many miracles along the way...with doctors, surgeries, modern technology with medicines. I have always felt very guided by God, very directed to do very specific things. The decisions that we have made have always seemed so easy to me, even though others may think we have always taken the hardest road. I have always just taken the road that seemed to make sense for us. My husband is very pragmatic, practical. I have always looked to him for logical reassurance, for understanding that we are making the right decisions when it comes to my health. He has always believed in me, always been gifted with the same knowledge that we are okay....just fine.

With my most recent confirmation of two small tumors on my lungs, one of my breast cancer survivor friends rushed over to my house and panicked...asked if I was okay, etc. She started talking about my faith, about how I have a strong resolve and strong faith and she just didn’t understand how this could happen to me. Her indirect question was how God could let this happen to me. I just consoled her and told her that I had prayed to have access to good information regarding these two spots on my lungs. We had been watching them for a year and I wanted them out of me, regardless of if they were a cancer or not. I did not care what they were, I wanted a clean slate. That is what I am looking for, waiting for....full restoration, just like Job. She was sort of shocked as she seemed so devastated by my situation. But, if there is anything I could share with someone who doesn’t have cancer, it is to just believe that God can heal us. The New Testament talks about Jesus healing people by their own faith in Him. I cling to that and believe it fully. I know I am loved by God and have received way to many blessings by this disease.

Don’t get me wrong, I wish I wasn’t a cancer survivor. If I could take it all back or start all over, I probably would. But, then I remember the story of Job or Noah or Jonah or Abraham. All of them went through suffering and God allowed it to happen because that is just the way life is on earth. Suffering happens. It just does. I am a better person because of all of this and my family (extended, included) are much better, closer. We care about other people more and try to take on causes outside of our world.

For the most part, I just feel like a messenger for other people. I feel like I was supposed to go through this stuff, that God allowed it to happen to me because He knew I would not be destroyed by it. He gave me strong faith so that I would get through all of the treatments. He made my body so it would heal quickly from surgery. He made my heart strong so that I could take the wonder drugs that have side effects on the heart. He made my body strong enough to fight the disease off as best it could for several years without medicine...and the tumors remained small, which is miraculous. I understand that there is a chance I could die from cancer, but I don’t think I will. I think the very opposite, that I was meant to live with it...not die from it. I feel privileged to even understand the distinction, but I do know that other cancers do not have the luxury of screenings and medicines...like mine does. I know that it is likely my cancer would have spun out of control already if these medicines had not been around. I shudder to think about it, but that is when I remember the power of God and how much He loves me. Just like Job, he allowed him to go through suffering. He did not want it, but He allowed it so that I could grow through it...not be destroyed by it.

I do wonder why I get to live while others may die. I do envision myself living this long life. I know there is a chance I will have to go through surgeries again, but I don’t think I will. I think the tumors are gone. I think we will always take medicines for my disease, but each year they come out with even better meds. Already, my medicines have moved from IV to pill form and they are more effective than before. Doctors can’t prevent cancer, in terms of why cells replicate out of control. But, they can determine characteristics of certain cancers and try to treat them that way. Meaning, my type of breast cancer has a protein that attaches to the cell that fuels the cell growth. So, the medicine attacks seeks the protein and destroys cells with the protein on it. Very smart, huh? I think doctors have realized that the process of cell degradation, which is cancer, happens in all bodies. The best way to prevent tumor growth is to help boost your body’s immune system in many ways.

No doctor can tell me why I got cancer, however, I believe it was probably due to the fact that I am prone to depression and that I did not deal with it very well when I was younger. I am a sensitive person with a sensitive body. I believe that when we are sensitive, emotionally, our bodies are sensitive too. I have sensitive skin and everything. I have allergies galore. so it makes sense that if I got cancer, my body would be sensitive to its growth. I also have a fast metabolism and I am young so my cells regenerate quickly. The good cells do and the bad cells do. So, because of my depression and anxiety that I was not dealing with, I think my immune system was poor. I was self-sacrificial in the worst way...gave too much of myself with nothing left for me. I am not sure how I got this way because I grew up in a loving home, but I do think that because of these factors...and chance...I got cancer. I continue to think that it was all controlled by God, so I use the word “chance” very loosely.

I know cancer and suffering are NOT easy topics. I think many Christians and non-Christians use the topic to put a wall in between God and them. It is easy to be that way. It is only through the grace of God that I do not have that bitterness. I really do think there are two types of people in the world...people who are afraid of life and people who want to control life. I don’t know why, but I do think it is the way. For those who want to control things as a coping mechanism, I think they often have more difficulty with understanding the hard things in life. I have one friend who is a Christian who helped me a lot when I first got breast cancer. She was diagnosed about a year before me and really led me to a great doctor. But, bitterness has eroded her....to the point that she almost expects to have a recurrence. It is bizarre to me because she is perfectly healthy now, yet she feels devastated that cancer happened to her. She has continued to focus on the negative aspects of her situation....which will do no good. There are many bad parts of cancer, but there are many gifts that can come from it. It is all about choice.

For me, I come from that part of society that has feared life...and felt unworthy of God’s love, and love in general. Because of that, I was depression-prone and have let others control my life. This is not in any major way...overall, I have spent my life being a good girl. But, I wasn’t the girl that God wanted me to be...i hadn’t reached my potential or even shot for it because I didn’t think I was worthy of it. For some reason, I think this personality trait has helped me to accept the bad a little better. In many respects, I was expecting it to happen. My anxiety conditioned me to always anticipate the worst. I am no longer like this, can truly see the joy in situations and don’t anticipate the worst. But, I am fully relying on God for my health and my life. I am flying blind most of the time, but the gifts are endless.

I am still afraid to be myself, I worry about what others think of me...that people will misjudge my kindness for me having ulterior motives, etc. But, I know that God is working to change lives through me. I am honored by it, so honored! I hope that my story helps you understand the loving nature of God. Cancer is a difficult subject. I find that I know many people’s stories. I can’t understand why people succumb to cancer because I don’t have that perspective.

I hope that makes sense. I do not mean to sound cold to your situation. I just want you to understand that I do not pretend to have all or any of the answers. I can’t make sense of a lot of people’s cancers. So, I try to help people when they first get diagnosed. From a scientific perspective, I know that is the crux of time when things really matter....when you need to push for the most aggressive treatments. However, I really try to help people think about their health...before any diagnosis so prevention can take place. I want to demystify cancer so people understand it happens in our bodies all the time, that we can equip ourselves to stave it off. I am not overburdened by my experience...my surgeries or medicines. For the most part, I am perfectly healthy and strong...able to take on all the things I need to. God prepared me for this awakening and continues to condition me for each experience. It is HE who carried me through the bike ride six weeks after surgery, not me. I am just an example of what HE can do. It is up to each of us to tap into it. I want people to tap into his grace NOW so they don’t have to experience cancer at all.

You know that God loves you and you live it in your life, regardless of the sadness you have experienced. I am certain God is smiling down on you because of that. I hope that you can look back at any of those situations and find God in them, know that He was embracing you the whole time...that He was so close to you that you couldn’t see him. I trust that God is working through us and I am so glad that you can do the same. It is a blind trust, but please know my tone is always one of love and my heart is open to help! Each word has been written with love!

For myself, when things got hard or get hard, I picture God wrapping his arms around me, embracing me fully....or the dove holding me tightly in its wings. It is a picture of the emotional equivalent of the protection I feel from HIM. He wants to do that for all of us, is waiting for us!

How blessed are we!
With love, Laura

Today, I honor you Laura.

Brian