Nuggets

1 Peter 1:3-9 ^“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials,  that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.”

I have not been writing about it much, but every Wednesday night I facilitate a topical study group at our church, currently in a series  from 1993 by Christian Family Psychologist Gary Smalley on developing and maintaining loving relationships in our life. This week, our lesson was on “Treasure Hunting”. Simply, transforming potentially destructive experiences into constructive, positive experiences. This immediately, reminds me of the Bible verse - James 1:2-4 “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

When you take the attitude of “I wonder what God is going to teach me through this experience”, then you anticipate and seek out those gold nuggets in the situation. Dr. Smalley gives us five steps to take when hit with a trail in life. (1) Don’t over-react emotionally; step back, take a breath and take inventory of what’s actually happening. My wise father told me that he would always stop and ask himself, “What will this matter one, five, and ten years from now?” and that would help bring the issue into proper perspective. (2) Avoid concentrating or obsessing on what you’re losing or being denied. The English word “trial” translates in Chinese to the phase “door of opportunity”. Think about opportunities that arise and learning that you may gain. As my dear cousin Laura always said, "Flip it". 

Psalm 19:9-11 “The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, Yea, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them Your servant is warned, And in keeping them there is great reward.

Dr. Smalley states that if we can reverse our thinking from all that we’re losing at all that we’ll eventually gain, we’ll become a much more positive person, and everything in our lives will improve … including our relationships. (3) Avoid the blame game. We should beat ourselves up over mistakes we’ve made, or any personal losses or possible mistreatment we might have received. If we can avoid shame and blame, our recovery ill be much quicker. Say, “O.K., this happened to me, now what can I do to make it better?” Just knowing that some good will come from an experience helps to calm our thinking and relax our nerves. (4) Allow yourself to grieve over any pain from discomforting experiences. It is important to allow yourself to figure our what took place, analyze how it makes you feel, and feel the pain associated with the event. By not taking this step, you can fall into denial and stuff the feelings so deep that you think you’ve solved the problem. If you don’t allow yourself to grieve, the pain will manifest itself in some other area … an area that may keep your relationship from developing the intimacy you want to achieve. (5) Begin to treasure hunt as soon as possible and as long as you are able. Remember, every cloud has a silver lining. Seek the gold nuggets in every situation. We will have a victory over our pain when we feel the benefits of the event, feelings of greater love and self worth, increased appreciation of life, increased love and compassion. Treasure hunting is transforming “bitter” into “better”. When you’re bitter, you’re angry and feel low self-worth. When you’re better, you feel grateful and enjoy an elevated sense of self-esteem.

In Christ, Brian