People, Place, & Things or Jesus Christ

 

Matthew 13:3, 7-9, 22-23 Then He spoke many things to them in parables, saying: “Behold, a Sower went out to sow. And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up and choked them. But others fell on good ground and yielded a crop: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. He who has ears to hear, let him hear!” Now he who received seed among the thorns is he who hears the word, and the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and he becomes unfruitful. But he who received seed on the good ground is he who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.”

 

I remember back in 1994 or ’95, my wife and I were invited to join a small group Bible Study by a Christian friend that I met through our son’s Little League baseball. They were going through a topical video series on relationships and parenting by Author, Speaker, and Christian Family Psychologist Gary Smalley, titled “Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships”. The series was so good that I borrowed the 18 tape set and showed it at our church for adult Wednesday night studies. The Sixth Key was “How to Become Free From the Negative Emotions of Anger, Hurt Feelings, Loneliness, Worry and Fear” (throw in Envy, Jealousy, Sexual Possessiveness). Sound interesting. The problem is that if our life was illustrated by a lamp, what are we plugging into for the source to light up our life? The lesson states that there are three earthly sources that we tend to look to find happiness and avoid the pain of negative emotions, bring us quality life or love, joy and peace.

 

The first is “People”. Smalley states that we think we need to have a mate, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a close friend, children, perfect parents and so on to meet our deepest needs. But even in intimate relationships we can experience hurt, frustration and disappointment because other people are preoccupied with meeting their own needs. Many of us try to use people to give us quality life, hoping they will bring us lasting fulfillment. Most often, we discover that instead of fulfillment, people are actually dimming the light that we had. We forget that people will never really give us the quality life we want, yet we still expect it from them. The reason we become angry, fearful, lonely, et cetera is level of unrealistic expectations. The more we expect from people, the greater our potential of experiencing negative emotions we desire to avoid.

 

The Second is “Places”. Smalley says that we also tend to look to various places to be our source of happiness. We feel if we move to a new home near a beach or a cottage in the mountains, vacations to exotic destinations or exciting resorts, away from all the hustle and bustle of everyday life, then we’ll finally be at a place where we can be happy. Usually, places bring happiness for a season. Even the most spectacular view and exciting places can become ordinary and routine. Not to mention that after going to the most beautiful places on earth, there is almost always a certain amount of let-down when we have to come back to our real world. Again, the focus on unrealistic expectations on gaining a “satisfying place” that sets the stage for anger.

 

The Third is “Things”. Smalley points to money, a new job, increased talents, a new car … all these things and much more are often looked on as a main source of life. Many people feel that they’ll never be successful or satisfied until they have acquired a certain amount of possessions or things they’ve longed for. I’ll never forget my co-worker telling me, “I see it, I want it, I get it.” Advertisers know how to market products so that they’ll appear to not only satisfy us, but make us happy as well. The problem is that these things all too soon begin to dim our light and short circuit the hope of fulfillment in life. Again, it’s not having things that causes anger or hurt feelings, it’s expecting that they bring happiness that causes our unhappiness.

Philippians 4:19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

True happiness is found in a desire for God. Our Life source to plug into is Jesus Christ, so happiness is found in holiness. This is where we are fulfilled and content. Smalley asserts that negative emotions can be turned into positive gain depending on how we look at them. It is important that we learn to picture negative emotions as “warning lights.” These warning lights reflect that our primary focus is unrealistically expecting happiness from people, places or things. Rather, make a decision to use those signals as motivation to evaluate and change the focus. Focusing on the lord will set our feet on a path leading to greater maturity, and a greater love for those around us. Love God and love others.

 

In Christ, Brian