When You Think of Laura

Proverbs 11:23-30  The desire of the righteous is only good, but the expectation of the wicked is wrath. There is one who scatters, yet increases more; and there is one who withholds more than is right, but it leads to poverty.  The generous soul will be made rich, and he who waters will also be watered himself.  The people will curse him who withholds grain, but blessing will be on the head of him who sells it. He who earnestly seeks good finds favor, but trouble will come to him who seeks evil. He who trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will flourish like foliage. He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise of heart. The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise.

December 14^th marks the five year anniversary of the passing of my precious cousin Laura. Each year, I like to honor her memory by writing a post abut her and her life. A life that was separated from me by 2000 miles of real estate for over thirty years, but suddenly, by the grace of God, erased for a moment in 2007 for two Christian cousins to discover each other and correspond in deep emotional and spiritual intimacy by authentic faith, in open dialogue and honest feelings about this pilgrimage journey, called “living”.  Brest Cancer ended our relationship just a short year later, but proved a lifetime of priceless wisdom and inspiration that touched my heart and soul with pure love. I have copied and pasted together a few of Laura’s writings here, so you may experience the true caring of this godly woman, daughter, wife, mother … and cousin.

Laura wrote: Cancer has brought me out of my shell quite a bit, it has made me a focus of attention.  I don’t take to that naturally. I try to remind people that I am really the “shy” sister, the quiet one.  I appreciate hearing the positives you saw in me, I only hope to be a positive influence on others...to help them know you can live a happy and abundant life, even while having to address cancer.  I have to support other causes, too.  It is just part of who I am now.  Once awakened to these things, there is no turning back! :)

We are both Christians and it is so interesting to me that be both take it so seriously...yet another similarity between us.  I do a lot with my church and have found that my faith really kept me grounded when I was diagnosed with cancer.  I have ALWAYS believed this experience is about God healing me, not me dying.  It gets hard at times because even among other Christians, I have found that everyone’s faith is different.  Faith is a spiritual gift, of which there are many.  Each of us have our own strengths and weakness when it comes to the gifts....by faith is one that has always come easy to me.  I try not to take for granted and always want to help others understand that I continue to feel protected and buffered by God.  I continue to feel that He is protecting me.  

It is so interesting because this whole experience has been surreal for me...in some respects. What I mean is, I continue to feel privileged by my cancer at times.  That may sound wacky so I will explain.  We have had so many miracles along the way...with doctors, surgeries, modern technology with medicines.  I have always felt very guided by God, very directed to do very specific things.  The decisions that we have made have always seemed so easy to me, even though others may think we have always taken the hardest road.  I have always just taken the road that seemed to make sense for us.  My husband is very pragmatic, practical.  I have always looked to him for logical reassurance, for understanding that we are making the right decisions when it comes to my health.  He has always believed in me, always been gifted with the same knowledge that we are okay....just fine.

With my most recent confirmation of two small tumors on my lungs, one of my breast cancer survivor friends rushed over to my house and panicked...asked if I was okay, etc.  She started talking about my faith, about how I have a strong resolve and strong faith and she just didn’t understand how this could happen to me.  Her indirect question was how God could let this happen to me.  I just consoled her and told her that I had prayed to have access to good information regarding these two spots on my lungs.  We had been watching them for  a year and I wanted them out of me, regardless of if they were a cancer or not.  I did not care what they were, I wanted a clean slate.  That is what I am looking for, waiting for....full restoration, just like Job.  She was sort of shocked as she seemed so devastated by my situation.  But, if there is anything I could share with someone who doesn’t have cancer, it is to just believe that God can heal us. I know I am loved by God and have received way to many blessings by this disease.

Don’t get me wrong, I wish I wasn’t a cancer survivor.  If I could take it all back or start all over, I probably would.  But, then I remember the story of Job or Noah or Jonah or Abraham.  All of them went through suffering and God allowed it to happen because that is just the way life is on earth.  Suffering happens.  It just does.  I am a better person because of all of this and my family(extended, included) are much better, closer.  We care about other people more and try to take on causes outside of our world.

Faith has always come easy to me, I understand now that it is a spiritual gift. I need Christian companionship.  I struggle with finding people who can mentor me.  Not that I am overly educated or gifted...I am not!  I just have a different perspective now and because of that...i sometimes feel that I have a hard time relating to others.  People worry about things that I don’t worry about.  Women my age are fretting about things that don’t faze me.  I have been given a gift of early retirement and the perspective of fully enjoying my kids.  I have many hang-ups.  My house is always messy and I over-volunteer all the time.  I want to be everyone’s friend and sometimes that gets in the way of what really matters...so I constantly push myself to work on the spiritual disciplines.  I can assure you I could always be spending more time in the Bible, in communion with God.  A lot of time, I am praying while on my bike...getting that communion time and allowing him to pump me with new ideas.

I do tend to go on overdrive.  I sometimes wonder if that is because I sensed I was sick before I got diagnosed.  I did KNOW something was wrong and I went to doctors to try to figure it out.  They ran all sorts of tests, but my body looked healthy.  Subconsciously, I think I was worried that I didn’t have a lot of time...so I just started pushing myself really hard.  Kind of surreal to say that to someone, that I thought I might die.  But, I always wondered what was wrong with me...why I was so tired.  I knew I used to have high energy and be athletic, but I was so drained all the time.  Then when I got diagnosed, it was like an “A HA!” moment.  I always feel that God prepares of for the next step in our lives.  Sometimes we can’t see it until we have those types of moments.  Now, I have a hard time slowing down.  I know and believe I am on the mend, that finding out about my cancer only helped with me living a long life; prolonging it.  But the subconscious stuff plays in sometimes ... I have to let God breath in the positivity into my brain. I work on it all the time!

What a blessing this child of God was. It was because of her that I started this Blog and continue it. Laura has gone to be with the Lord, but remains in my heart forever and I am a better man for having gotten to know her and hear her story. She was truly an amazing woman. Laura did not withhold the gain, but sold it to all of us generously. You can read her own Blog posts @ loloplunkett.blogspot.com

Proverbs 12:1-6 To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction. The Lord approves of those who are good, but he condemns those who plan wickedness. Wickedness never brings stability, but the godly have deep roots. A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones. The plans of the godly are just; the advice of the wicked is treacherous. The words of the wicked are like a murderous ambush, but the words of the godly save lives.

In Christ, Brian